Problematic wedgies!
Things have warmed up a bit here. The difference between -30 and -12 I have learnt, is quite a bit. At -30 I need a double layer of thermals and socks while at -12 a single layer is fine. One thing I did notice with double thermals is that it is almost impossible to discretely clear even a mild wedgie!
Bring on spring!!!
There was a heart-stopping moment for about a dozen morning commuters last Tuesday in a pedestrian underpass in central Minsk, Belarus. Shortly after 10am the peak hour rush was in frozen animation for several seconds while a projectile about the size of a 1/2 litre thermos flask ricocheted loudly in different directions down into the underpass. The object came to rest near 8-10 startled people. One bystander later said it was like a slow motion scene from an action movie!
Later in the day a slightly embarrassed expatriate worker came forward claiming that it was actually a Thermos knocked out of his backback bottle holder by the hand railing as he was maneuvering his bicycle down the ramp. He added that the thermos survived the heavy fall and still works fine even with a few dents, scratches and a slightly oval shape.
Bloddy Ozzies!
Just out of curiosity I pushed the little microphone button on the google maps (maps.google.com) page and dictated an address off the top of my head. Here are the strange / funny results…
1. it’s kevin place scrotum I c t 2615
2. I did ask evan place (I tried to drop the state and post code)
3. 87 place curtain
4. meskerem play scripts in icy t 2605
5. ice skatin place cookin I ct 2605
6. ice skatin place curtain I c t 2605
7. ice skatin place clifton act 2605
8. thanks kevin place curtain act 2605
9. thanks kevin play scripts in a c t 2615
Maybe it’s my accent?
For those of you who don’t know the address see if you can work it out!!! Comment with your guesses.
During an enjoyable evening meal at the Barcelo River Maya Resort just south of Cancun James started a debate with Richard. At first it seemed like a general conversation but actually (after checking Wikipedia) it seems that they actually followed general debating rules pretty well. OK so James did all the talking and acting and Richard just sat there but all the motions were correct and fully in character.
The first affirmative constructive…
The first negative constructive…
We had a great laugh the other day setting up our profiles in the Wii Fit. I was as to be expected “a little over weight” but Elena’s was funny after the balance section. It asked. . . “Do you find yourself tripping over while you walk?” Must be true because she was shocked and said with eyes like dinner plates, “that’s BS!”.
POLITICAL SCIENCE & ECONOMICS FOR DUMMIES
(A.K.A. You’ll be milking this one for a while…)
DEMOCRAT
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?
SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and . . .
POLITICAL SCIENCE & ECONOMICS FOR DUMMIES
(A.K.A. You’ll be milking this one for a while…)
DEMOCRAT
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?
SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative and tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
Under the new farm program,
the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other,
and then it pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself,
and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to analysts stating that you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size
of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer,
give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Yet you don’t know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over how many cows you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don’t milk them, because you cannot touch
any creature’s private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production
but use the money to buy weapons.
IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.
POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed
attempting to milk them.
BELGIAN CORPORATION
You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he’s French, other times he’s Flemish.
The Flemish cow won’t share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow’s milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.
FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can’t figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.
CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegal.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.
——Source: Sent in a newsletter from www.casinomeister.com
The Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday.
This announcement followed Ferrari’s decision to take advantage of the British government’s ‘Work for your Dole’ scheme and employ some Liverpudlian youngsters.The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Toxteth were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari’s existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of pounds worth of high tech equipment.It was thought to be an excellent, bold move by the Ferrari management team as most races are won and lost in the pits, giving Ferrari an advantage over every other team.
However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for! At the crew’s first practice session, not only was the scouse pit crew able to change all four wheels in under 6 seconds but, within 12 seconds, they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car to the Mclaren team for 8 cases of Stella, a bag of weed and some photos of Coulthard’s bird in the shower.
———–Source: Email from Uncle via Mum
It’s mean but it is a cracker
Sadly, Tony was born without ears, and though he proved to be successful in business, his problem annoyed him greatly.
One day he needed to hire a new manager for his company, so he set up three interviews.
The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to know and was very interesting, but at the end of the interview, Tony asked him, “Do you notice anything different about me?” “Why, yes, I couldn’t help but notice that you have no ears,” came the reply.
Tony did not appreciate his honesty and threw him out of the office.
The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than the first guy. But he asked her the same question: “Do you notice anything different about me?”
“Well,” she said stammering, “you have no ears.”
Tony again got upset and chucked her out in a rage.The third and final interviewee was the best of the bunch. He was a young man who had recently earned his MBA. He was smart, he was handsome and he seemed to be a better businessman than the first two put together.
Tony was anxious, but went ahead and asked the young man the same question: “Do you notice anything different about me?” Much to his surprise, the young man answered, “Yes, you wear contact lenses, don’t you?”
Tony was shocked and realised this was an incredibly observant person.
“How in the world did you know that?”, he asked. The young man fell off his chair laughing hysterically and replied, “Well, it’s pretty hard to wear glasses with no f**king ears!!”
————————————Source: A guy at work, Ian.
It seems a bit strange but our boy, Richard doesn’t like changing his socks!
If there is a way out of it he will find it and if there is a way to do it Babuliya will find it. Two great minds at war over socks!!!
It has gotten to the stage where he will wear a pair of socks from bath time to bath time and avoid taking a bath for as long as possible to extend his time in the socks. They just don’t get removed for anything! The usual cycle is going to sleep with socks on, not wanting to change them in the morning, then walking to school in the same socks, then sports at school, then home, then to bed again and so it continues. Just keep the socks on at all costs.
What seems to be the major problem with changing socks? Well as it turns out it is the seems in the toes of the socks. If he can feel them even one little bit then he gets very, very agitated and getting a pair of shoes on him in this condition is like trying to . . . I don’t know what it’s like, there is no comparison!!!
So Babuliya has devised a very engenious way of getting fresh socks on to the kid, at his most volunerable moment! When is that? When he is asleep! 
She waits until he has fallen asleep and then quietly swaps the old, in need of a change, socks for crisp fresh new ones.
Now today the plan went as usual and completely un noticed by Richard until. . . He got to physical education at school. When he was changing into his sports shoes he noticed that his socks had changed and was of course bemused about how it could possibly have happened, after all this was the first time he had even noticed that his socks had been changed without his knowing. Later that night Babuliya asked him “Richard, did you notice anything different today?” He replied calmly “yea, you changed my socks while I was asleep!”
So now it looks like we are going to progress to gettting almost fully dressed for school while asleep to avoid any early morning conflicts.
I know from personal experience that it is hard to get even a visa to Australia and now they have uped the ante on Autralian citizenship as well. The attached PDF is the questionaire to be used in all new applications for Australian Citizenship.
After not living in Australia since 1995 I even found some of the questions a little tricky, see how you go. Do you qualify for Australian Citizenship?
Here are some teasers. . .
18. Which Australian Prime Minister held the world record for drinking a yardie full of beer the fastest?
21. On which Ashes tour did Warney’s hair look the best?
a) 1993
b) 1997
c) 2001
d) 2005
31. What are Budgie smugglers?
More here. . . Australian Citizenship Application
