POLITICAL SCIENCE & ECONOMICS FOR DUMMIES
(A.K.A. You’ll be milking this one for a while…)

DEMOCRAT

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.

REPUBLICAN

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST

You have two cows.
The government takes one and . . .

POLITICAL SCIENCE & ECONOMICS FOR DUMMIES
(A.K.A. You’ll be milking this one for a while…)

DEMOCRAT

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.

REPUBLICAN

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST

You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative and tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST

You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
Under the new farm program,
the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other,
and then it pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself,
and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to analysts stating that you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size
of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer,
give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
Yet you don’t know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over how many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION

You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don’t milk them, because you cannot touch
any creature’s private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production
but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION

You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION

You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed
attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION

You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he’s French, other times he’s Flemish.
The Flemish cow won’t share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow’s milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION

You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can’t figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION

You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegal.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

——Source: Sent in a newsletter from www.casinomeister.com

The Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday.

This announcement followed Ferrari’s decision to take advantage of the British government’s ‘Work for your Dole’ scheme and employ some Liverpudlian youngsters.The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Toxteth were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari’s existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of pounds worth of high tech equipment.It was thought to be an excellent, bold move by the Ferrari management team as most races are won and lost in the pits, giving Ferrari an advantage over every other team.

However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for! At the crew’s first practice session, not only was the scouse pit crew able to change all four wheels in under 6 seconds but, within 12 seconds, they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car to the Mclaren team for 8 cases of Stella, a bag of weed and some photos of Coulthard’s bird in the shower.

———–Source: Email from Uncle via Mum

It’s mean but it is a cracker

Sadly, Tony was born without ears, and though he proved to be successful in business, his problem annoyed him greatly.

One day he needed to hire a new manager for his company, so he set up three interviews.

The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to know and was very interesting, but at the end of the interview, Tony asked him, “Do you notice anything different about me?” “Why, yes, I couldn’t help but notice that you have no ears,” came the reply.
Tony did not appreciate his honesty and threw him out of the office.
The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than the first guy. But he asked her the same question: “Do you notice anything different about me?”
“Well,” she said stammering, “you have no ears.”
Tony again got upset and chucked her out in a rage.The third and final interviewee was the best of the bunch. He was a young man who had recently earned his MBA. He was smart, he was handsome and he seemed to be a better businessman than the first two put together.
Tony was anxious, but went ahead and asked the young man the same question: “Do you notice anything different about me?” Much to his surprise, the young man answered, “Yes, you wear contact lenses, don’t you?”
Tony was shocked and realised this was an incredibly observant person.
“How in the world did you know that?”, he asked. The young man fell off his chair laughing hysterically and replied, “Well, it’s pretty hard to wear glasses with no f**king ears!!”

————————————Source: A guy at work, Ian.